I was asked how to handle awkward conversations and confrontations in the workplace this week.
This situation is where even the highest levels of self-confidence can be tested, particularly if you are dealing with your boss or a supervisor.
We tend to view anyone in authority as being superior to us. Indeed, the title ‘supervisor’ suggests that. The key is in the word ‘title’. Being your supervisor, superior, or employer is the person's job title. Yes, their position may be higher in the company than yours. They are still a human, though, just like you.
That doesn’t mean you can ignore them, or they have no right to tell you what to do. That’s their job, remember. What they have no right to do is to treat you without respect. Of course, the other side of them being human is the fact that they have egos. Egos tend to get in the way of healthy communication.
Managing workplace confrontations is a great life skill and will certainly boost your confidence once mastered.
Stay Calm
Don’t throw fuel on the fire by losing your temper. It only makes it worse.
Your ego will want you to fight back and win the argument - resist the urge.
It is easy to get emotional when a confrontation gets heated. You may feel angry, frustrated, or upset.
This is normal because your survival instinct is feeling threatened. If your brain senses danger, it will start getting ready to fight, run or hide. Imagine your brain is looking out and thinking, this person looks angry; my human is in danger.
However, this emotion will only last 90 seconds if you let it move through you and do not attach to it.
If the person is angry, let them be angry. If you stay calm and quiet, they must calm down themselves. In the 90-second gap, take some deep breaths. This tells your brain that you are not in danger.
Focus on whatever the emotion is that you are feeling. Recognise it, breathe into it and don’t give it any meaning.
Listen to Understand
Make it clear that you will only have this conversation when they are calm. Inviting them to meet for a coffee later works well and gives you both time to settle down.
When you have the conversation, let the person speak without interrupting them.
Whether you agree or not, let them see that you have heard and understood.
‘So if I hear you clearly, you feel that …..’
When it is your turn to speak, be clear and stick to the facts. Don’t blame or try to get out of anything.
If you have made an error, own it.
If you disagree with the person, let them know your thoughts, again sticking only to facts.
Look for agreement
Don’t focus on the problem; focus on finding a solution. Find the common ground.
How can the issue be rectified?
What is the ideal outcome that each of you is looking for?
Is there an action that you can both agree on?
Uncomfortable growth
I promise you that not many of your work colleagues would act this calmly when dealing with confrontation. It will mark you out as acting in a professional manner.
Face any confrontation with calmness, respect and without ego, and you will build your confidence as well as potentially boost your career prospects.
If you are at the point where you want to build your unshakeable self-confidence, then reach out to me at sue@suereidcoaching.com, and let’s have a chat.