You are so stupid; you never get anything right.
I used to say that to myself every time I made even the smallest mistake.
Harmless?
Just words?
It’s not like you really are stupid, Sue.
How would you like it if I repeatedly said that to you?
What if your best friend said it to you?
Oh my god, you are so stupid. You really are useless.
It’s not very kind.
Yet, we say it to ourselves.
I said it to myself.
We are what we repeatedly tell ourselves. When we focus on something, our brain looks for examples of it. If you want to buy yourself a red BMW, you will start noticing red BMWs. Tell yourself a few times that you are stupid, and your brain looks for proof that it's true.
What if we changed that to ‘Wow, you are so intelligent, you learn so fast.’?
The Power of Positive Self-talk
Self-talk is basically how you talk to yourself internally. As discussed above, you will not feel great about yourself if you talk to yourself negatively. Conversely, saying positive and kind things to yourself can make you feel good.
When we speak to ourselves in a more positive way, we can experience better mental health, improved performance at work and stronger relationships.
With a caveat.
If you have very low self-esteem, then the pressure to be suddenly super positive can make you feel even worse. You try to feel positive, but that negative self-talk keeps coming. You think you have failed and so beat yourself up even more.
That’s not helpful, of course.
You don’t have to jump from feeling really negative to feeling super happy, though. Great if you can, but the best course is to start from where you are now and move up step by step.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how positive do you feel your mindset is currently?
1 being not very positive at all, to 10 being extremely positive.
Wherever you are, your aim could be to move to the next number.
I have spoken before about the benefits of being an observer of your thoughts. Here is an exercise that will help to improve the ratio of negative to positive self-talk. Working on this will enable you to move up to the next level on your scale.
See if you can catch yourself thinking a negative thought.
When you do, don’t stress; say to yourself something like ‘negative thought alert’ or ‘gotcha negative thought’.
Imagine yourself catching hold of that thought like a cloud moving through the air.
Now think to yourself something like, ‘I am going to make you positive’.
Now think of something more kind and positive that you can replace it with.
If you are struggling, please seek help from a professional or close friend.
If you are at the point where you want to build your unshakeable self-confidence, then email me at sue@suereidcoaching.com, and let’s have a chat.